Heather Marie

New Blog

2010-05-21T19:27:00.001-07:00

Hello!So, I've decided to create a brand new blog for my time as Peace Corps Volunteer. You can follow along at http://heathermangan.wordpress.com/. The ol' blogspot will probably be pretty quiet with this new blog in my life. I may come here occasionally to write about something unrelated to Niger, but if you want to follow my life, head to the WordPress. Thanks your eyes and support!Heather

The package

2010-05-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, a two-year journey ended.I knew that day was going to change my life forever, so I planned ahead and took the afternoon off. I was to pick up a package, one I had hope to get sooner but didn't thanks to UPS' inconvenient hours, that contained this life-changing information. Of course, I spent most of the day in Brookings, so I had 50-minute drive from the end of my work day to

2010-05-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today, what I deserved finally came true. It took me a long time to figure that out, but finally I got it. And, it may not work out, but I got it. And that's all I ever wanted — what I deserved.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

As little kids, we need our moms. If we are lucky, they take care of our bruises, nightmares and hurt feelings. They give us food, shelter and lot more love than we deserve.As we grow, so does our independence. We don't want our mothers calling to check up on us or invading time we'd rather spend with friends and significant others. They become a nuisance rather than a guiding light.When we leave

2010-05-08T12:58:00.001-07:00

"It really hit me the most one night when she said to me 'You need a change. You are stressed, angry and pissed off all the time. This isn't like you. I want the old you back. You need to change something.'""Well, I am glad someone else said it first.""You feel the same way?""Yeah, it's time to change."

Home run

2010-05-07T06:59:00.000-07:00

“Home run,” he said as walked by and touched my shoulder. I said thanks, but felt guilty for accepting that kind of credit. I didn’t edit the film, nor shoot it, but those things are really minor details to the heart of the production: the stories. And what I did do is not even worth mentioning. Still, people complimented me on the work I did and said I was key to the

Babies

2010-05-04T18:39:00.000-07:00

Today, I saw a dear friend of mine who lives far away and had a baby a few months ago. We were joined by another friend who is ready to pop with her second child.One of my other dear friends had her second child today.So many babies. I am not having them, but everyone around me seems to be giving birth.I already have a child that demands all of my attention, keeps me up at night and wants to be

2010-05-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

In attempts to write and process my world at a higher quality, I've been depicting a piece of my day on this blog almost every day for more than a month. Today, so many big things happened. I can't process it all, so I am going to find my bed and some reading material to drown out these thoughts.For now, I'm going to leave you with this quote that I found the other day. I truly identify with this

Letting go

2010-05-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

I suck at letting go of people.I drag things out until the union — romantic or platonic — is strained and almost useless. The optimist in me keeps hoping things will turnaround and the fear of losing someone from my circle blinds all reality. Even if I want to walk away, I refuse to let myself do it. Terrified of being the first to leave, I am always the one left. It hurts, but I tell myself pain

Brookings

2010-05-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

At the end of some relationships, there is a resistance to put the union to bed and move on with life. Couples will hold on to whatever strangling threads may exist and pull at them in hopes things go could go back to “the way it was.” They may try it again, but the relationship falls apart for many of the same reasons it did the first time. Still, they can’t seem to let it

2010-04-29T22:02:00.000-07:00

Tap. Pat. Tap. Pat. Tap. Pat.It's quite outside, except for the rain. On the inside, all you can hear is the tapping of my keyboard. My mind is running — to-do lists, things to say, things not to say, what ifs, big dreams. I wish I could shut it off and just concentrate on the beautiful gentle noise the earth is making. I imagine that I could get lost to that soundtrack, but not the lost I feel

Emotional wreck

2010-04-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

"I am just a laid back person," he said to me as if I hadn't already discovered this defining characsteric of him."Do you like that about yourself?" I asked."Heather, I love that about myself.""Well, I love that I am a passionate person, and if you can't love that part of me you can't love me."He couldn't love me or my passion so we broke up.I am emotional person, but it's passion oozing out in

Manners

2010-04-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

When we were little, we were taught a simple set of manners, rules that encourages delightful interaction with other humans.We were told to share, always say please and thank you, respect others and their things, do not boast, tell the truth and treat others as you would like to be treated. Funny how these small lessons seem to fade from our memory as we grow older and transform more of our

In the park

2010-04-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

In the afternoon, especially on hectic days, I often take a brisk walk to clear my head. I need this time to take my eyes off my computer screen, remind myself that my legs do work and what the sun looks like.When I walked out of the front door this afternoon, I saw some kids playing in an open grassy field across the streets. The curiosity for these children forced me to abandoned my usually

Happy at the fork

2010-04-26T20:25:00.000-07:00

One of life's greatest gifts is reverse attitude days.This morning, I woke up groggy and in a terrible mood about life. But as the day progressed, my outlook turned the other way. My Monday was the usual, a 15-hour work day and, but I can't help but smile as I prepare for the arrival of a new day.My life has been at a point since February. I've been staring at a fork in the road and I'm chained

A perfect pair

2010-04-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

Within a week and a day, another person close to me has entered into an engagement.My dear friend Lindsie is getting married to a man that is, honestly, perfect for her. I told another friend about her new life status and she asked me how I felt about it. Since she is my friend and I wish her the best, I'm naturally happy for her and in no way envious because that's just not the direction my life

Mailbox

2010-04-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

I hate the silver color of my mailbox. For the past month and a half, I come home wondering if today is the day. As I walk along the sidewalk to my building's front door, I envision the small box with my apartment number etched on it containing a large white folder. In that folder is a series of documents, but I just want to read the first page, for now. I make assumptions as to what my first

Ignite Pride

2010-04-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

Pride. It’s not a feeling I have all that often anymore. Confidence comes with a stable mind and mine is anything but. Even when I’m weak and exhausted, I still find the energy to scold myself. Biting my nails from stress leads to the guilt of never being able to quit which leads to the guilt that I don’t complete many of the goals I set for myself. Guilt turns into condemnation and I’ve decided

2010-04-20T22:20:00.001-07:00

I used to think I didn’t have it in me to be authentic. When I first started, I always said I'm not good at this. Even today, I wondered why I do it because I am just not cut out for this path. But now, as I shake from anger and tears, maybe this is proof. Maybe that I care this much and am this upset about being true to an industry that haunts me makes me part of this clan I was always too

Mumford & Sons

2010-04-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

I heart http://www.mumfordandsons.com/.

The Job That Takes Over Your Life

2010-04-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

In 1996, PRI's "This American Life" produced a show entitled "The Job That Takes Over Your Life." The program's host, Ira Glass, begins the show like he does any other show, with a short anecdote about someone he's interview, society or himself. In September of 1996, TAL had been on the air for 10 months and you can hear the exhaustion in Glass' voice, which I'm sure was an intentional effect.In

A sister, finally

2010-04-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

When my youngest brother was born, I remember walking across the St. Mary's skyline hallway and being extremely angry. I didn't want to have a boy, I already had one of those. I wanted a sister.My parents stopped at three children and I never got that sister. I was always, and still am, envious of my friends who had an older sister to seek advice or a younger one to lead along or both.However, I

Green

2010-04-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

It's the prettiest green I've ever seen.In second grade, a graduating senior, Ryan, came to speak with my class. He told us about the adventure through elementary to middle school and, eventually, high school. He talk about getting involved and standing up against peer pressure (All the high school kids told us that friends will tempt us to try drugs and they gave us hints on how to turn them

Bridges

2010-04-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

"If they are going to burn bridges, we are going to build them."Wrapped up in aggressive optimism and "we can make a difference" preaching, she blurted out this statement. It fired us both.Moments like this is why we don't stop, although we think about it daily. We keep going because we know what's possible. And it's the potential that has always driven our motivation.

Oh, Ira

2010-04-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

I once had a dream that I went to a reporter boot camp put on by this man.

DLTBGYD

2010-04-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

DLTBGYD.It's a phrase we'd say to each in the early mornings of cold pizza and paper tornadoes. We'd use it to get past difficult sources, failed expectations and demands of our lives beyond USU 069. Our adviser shared it with us and it was printed on a bright color piece of paper in black lettering. If you were upset, someone else would point to it. It was a symbol of strength and proof that you

Men in dress clothes

2010-04-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

His hands rested on his hips and he gazed off to the eastern sky. A train was passing and the blue sky was preparing itself for stars.A part of me wanted to stop and ask this stranger what he was thinking, what was the reason for such a somber body position on a gorgeous spring evening. I wish I had a camera to capture this being at this moment. The old train chugged along as the man stared. He

Not done

2010-04-13T21:54:00.001-07:00

His voice slows down and his eyes soften when he speaks about that moment in a small Iowa town. He's talked about it hundreds of times, but the memory's pain still cuts.For three months, he practiced every day for two hours. His delivery had to be perfect. Diction, perfect. Posture, perfect. Hand gestures and eye glances, perfect. Each element of his performance had to be utterly perfect.People

Thank you

2010-04-12T20:31:00.001-07:00

If you read The Post, thank you.If you contribute to The Post, thank you.If you read this blog, thank you.If you comment on my blog posts, thank you.If you work with me, thank you.If you have ever read anything I've ever wrote, thank you.If you have ever complimented my writing, thank you.If you listen to me complain, thank you.If you offer encouraging words and support, thank you.If you are a

A girl

2010-04-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

Riding down a slope on my bike, I noticed a jogger up ahead so I moved to the street to give her more room. Across the street was an interesting couple pausing and conversating at weirds and dead plants. I kept most of my attention on them, but stole a quick glance at the runner. She looked at me. I looked at her. Our eyes locked for a second, knowing we've met before but it wasn't enough to

Friday night

2010-04-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

After a long week, I decided upon some journaling and soul searching before entering the weekend. A coffee shop near my apartment also sells beer and is usually quiet on Friday evenings, but I called to make sure how late it was open: 11 p.m. Odd since the last time I was in there they closed at 7 p.m., but great anyway. I finished as much work as I could and grabbed the necessities: iPod,

I

2010-04-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

I like red wine and dark coffee.I hate slapstick movies, Republicans and Democrats.I love newspapers, but I don’t read them everyday.I don’t own a TV, but I miss watching MTV’s True Life.I like to be the first to tell someone a piece of information.I have a button up shirt from 8th grade that has always been too big for me. I wear it under sweaters, but I hold on to it because I think a pregnant

Jump

2010-04-09T16:02:00.001-07:00

My toes are curled over the edge.Below, all I see is sparkling blue. There are probably other parts of this scene but I don’t see them. And if there is noise, it’s not reaching my ears.I need to jump. I prepare my body to do the action, but my mind reassures me “Oh, you really aren’t going to do this are you? You don’t jump, Heather. You just slide in.”Time lapses as I vision myself jumping. Then

2010-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

My heart is heavy from exhaustion, stress and the enormous effort that goes into being patient. I feel defeated and lonely and over dramatic about every little emotion. Ugh.But when I get into a funky state I take a shower. When I lived in Idaho and had fights with my boyfriend, I would escape to the shower to cry so my roommate wouldn't hear me sobbing (although she probably could anyway.) The

A dead man and a baby girl

2010-04-08T17:51:00.001-07:00

The day started out with the news of death.It ended with a baby.I am not sure what this means, probably nothing, but I feel like it should mean something. I want it to symbolize something, anything will do.

The Laugher

2010-04-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

He might be my favorite laugher.He chuckles and snickers just fine, but when he laughs, his whole body is thrusted into the occasion. His face reddens, his eyes squint till tears and he shakes with his amusement.I love when he laughs, or when we laugh together. When I think about our friendship, I think of giggling.Tonight we giggled and told secrets. Complained about life and answered the

The Interviewer

2010-04-06T21:55:00.001-07:00

My friends just smile and roll their eyes when it starts to happen. They see me do it with many strangers and have come to accept this as part of make up. I don’t realize that anything outside of a normal conversation is taking place. When I meet someone new or run into someone I am shy around, I fall back into interview mode and start throwing out question after question.

Sleeping around

2010-04-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

In the span of four days, I've slept in four cities and on an air mattress, a couch, a futon mattress and a bed.For the weekend, I made a nice loop through this state and the one directly south of us to see a concert, spend the holiday with my family and be at work (in a city in which I do not live) at 8 a.m.To me, the idea of never staying longer than I should is exotic and, although I only

From Friday

2010-04-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

The room was dark and the audience invisible, but the four men on the stage saw something. They saw screaming fans mouthing the words to their songs. The imagined the bright lights in colors of blue, red and white beating on their faces. The imagined performing their greatest show of all time.They held on to this dream when crowd turnout was discouraging and nights spent in crowded, disgusting

Good Friday

2010-04-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's Holy week and I feel as if I wasted 40 days. I wanted to really find myself spiritually in this Lent season, through meditation, prayer and church services. But I let my chaotic lifestyle and continuos sleep deprivation speak louder than my empty soul. Work or the race to work filled those times when I should've been filling my spirit. I need to reconnect myself with my faith, but I can't

Smell

2010-04-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

Each aroma brings a new feeling.This one brings back memory of hope that faded into lust and eventually pain. The pain lingers, and it might always, but I can now control it's effect on my mood, and even disregard it.That one puts me in a vehicle on a quiet highway road during a summer evening. The first campfires of spring always do that to me. I can still see the twinkling lights sprinkled

Digital Silence

2010-04-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

I am not good at taking lunches.During most noon-hours, I'm stuff my face over a keyboard (actually, most of meals — when not social engagements — are consumed in front of a computer screen or in a vehicle.) At previous jobs, I've tried to take the opportunity to go home, fix a meal, watch some TV or catch up on reading. When I do that, I often decided on a nap, which makes me groggy an

NFA

2010-03-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite parts of the SDSU campus is NFA - old, ugly, smelly NFA.It's a perimeter of out-dated classrooms and stuffed offices. In order to get anywhere, you have to walk in a square, which is a hassle at times and endearing at others.I usually try to take my time and peer into the opened offices of professors and instructors. They are usually decorated with books, stacks of papers and

A South Dakotan

2010-03-30T19:17:00.001-07:00

If the true characters of “being a South Dakotan” were jammed into one person, Matt would be his twin. His background is South Dakotan, or at least South Dakota 50 years ago: he was one of 11 children, stopped his education at 8th grade to farm (the only one of his siblings not to go to college), bought the farm from his father, married the best woman he ever met and had

2010-03-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

"Heather, you've accomplished so much so far."It was an odd statement after the conclusion that I should go back to counseling. I don't feel accomplished. Rather, I feel like a failure in about 10 different excruciating ways. And that makes me angry.Actually, everything makes me angry.Maybe it's because I'm tired. Or hungry. Or on the eve my weekly temper tantrum. Or want someone to feel sorry

3six5

2010-03-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

I don't care if it's cliche, but things really do happen for a reason.Today, I had a pretty nice freak out over my financial situation. I talked to my mom, cried, sulked and calmed down. Then I got a message from Daniel Honigman of 3six5.3six5 is a year long project to bring different slices of life ever day. 365 days, 365 points of view. Each day is a page from the diary of a new contributor.

Fight through the wall

2010-03-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

In high school, I ran cross country, not because I was good but because I loved it. I ran so many miles in the summer and worked hard at practices, but was never one of the team's top runners and usually had to fight my way on to the varsity squad. During most races, I fell toward the back of the pack, but the pain and defeat was never enough to discourage me from participating in the gruesome

Mystery man

2010-03-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

Every so often, our paths cross – a coffee shop, a concert – and I want to attack him with questions. I want to grab his hand, sit him down and listen as he pours out his story, one I think I know but really don’t, over tea and "I completely understand"s.Instead, I casually glance his way then look down as if we are strangers.We are strangers. I only know his name and existence because of an

My Mother

2010-03-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

When I find an awesome deal at the store or I've spent more than I should, I go to her.When something wonderful happens or life throws too many obstacles at once, I go to her.When I need advice or someone to yell and scream at, I go to her. When I can't make a decision or I need reassurance on the decisions I did make, I go to her.When my car acts up or I want to brag about something I fixed on

Friday night

2010-03-06T17:10:00.000-08:00

Please, stop, I pleaded with myself as I took a sip of the newly purchased water. I hoped the cool liquid would refresh my insides and attitude. Still, seven minutes till my estimated arrival and I wanted the whole night to forget about me. But, I don’t quit easily. I looked myself in the eyes using the review mirror. Hair was fine. No black smudges under my eyes. It’s time to go and be me, or at

The Headlights

2010-02-24T22:28:00.000-08:00

It's Wednesday night and it's cold outside. Staying in is perfectly acceptable, said the bassist of The Headlights. They would've if it wasn't their gig.It's easy to stay in on cold weekday nights. A comfy couch and a good movie are much more appealing than a deserted bar. But The Headlights, of Illinois, didn't cancel or fake illness. They showed up and rocked out.This evening, I met my friend

Another new mom

2010-02-23T20:35:00.000-08:00

My wonderful and dear friend Laura and her husband Casey had a baby tonight! They welcomed a little boy, Noah Casey. It's crazy because I knew Laura was due this week so I'd been meaning to call her and finally got around to it at about 6:15. I looked at the time and thought that they were probably eating and shouldn't bother them, but I decided to call anyway. I left her a pretty teary message (

Alex

2010-02-14T14:04:00.001-08:00

Propped against my kitchen wall, my body trembled as the third round of tears in an hour raged out. It was late on a Friday night and the stress of the week reached the brim of my ability to handle it and was now overflowing. My hypothetical white flag was ready to fly, but I knew that I couldn't give up. Although it was a black blob with a white question mark, there was a reason to keep going

Love, love

2010-02-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

I love:- street lights at night.- tea.- discussing colors in CMYK values.- a well-written lede that corresponds with a well-written ending.- the rain.- This American Life (and Ira Glass).- naps.- Bon Iver.- lunch dates.- vegetarian friends.- giggling.- the Ponty.- my bed.- long phone conversations.- the restlessness that keeps me up at night.- Sunday mornings with eggs, coffee and the New Yorker.

The girl at the bar, part II

2010-02-06T05:23:00.000-08:00

It was 7:30 p.m. on a Friday and my journal wanted to chat. Driving down 12th Street, I scanned both sides of the road looking for a place to stop and spill out all of the emotion that had built up throughout the day. I was supposed to go to a friend's house, but the urge to journal would stall that plan. I woke up with the notion that I would make the time to write, but at this point, it was a

White oblivion

2010-01-19T18:29:00.000-08:00

For the past few days, a deep fog has settled in on the east side of the state. Although it leaves trees and light poles with a sparkling white frost, it's a nightmare to drive though, especially when my commuting hours are very early and very late. Most times, I try to stay in a pack so that a string of red taillights can lead me along I-29. This morning, traffic was light was I was my own

A new life

2010-01-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

I was sunglasses shopping when I got the phone call.There was a pair of brown-tint, gold-rimmed sunglasses that I passed by a couple days prior and I couldn't stop thinking about them. I ran to the store to get something else and decided that particular night was the one in which I would fork over the $10 for the eye wear. My heart was set on that particular pair, but I teased myself a bit and

My demon

2010-01-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

PppattthhhMy mind was racing, reviewing the conversation and unsystematic group—a mix of strangers, dear friends and people specifically brought into my life for a reason—which I stepped away from for a moment to use the restroom. Initially, I was nervous about this gathering, but all the players seem to mesh well and the flow of interaction was pleasant, even exciting. As I resided in the failed

So long, 2009

2009-12-31T16:19:00.001-08:00

“Sometimes you need to go back to where you started to be where you need to be.”That was an inscription on a gift that my boss gave me for Christmas. She had passed by this particular item several times – it always reminding her of me – but never purchased it because she wasn’t sure how I would react to it. She understood and knew well of my internal struggle with moving back, but decided that

The music that defined my 2009

2009-12-31T12:36:00.000-08:00

A merry day

2009-12-24T22:04:00.000-08:00

One of my beloved, but not very original, Christmas traditions is to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" on Christmas eve. After mass and before some gift opening, my mother and I—dad joins in for the last half hour—watch the tale of George Bailey. Each time I watch it, I'm moved with hope and spirit as if it was my first introduction to the people of Bedford Falls. And each year, I find a new way to

A traveling heart

2009-12-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

“The road is my artery, travel is my friend.”A friend sent that text message to me as he was driving across five states to be home for the holidays. The emotion that reeked from his words was familiar. It was one I knew and one I craved.I have issues with traveling. It bugs me when people say, “Oh, I love to travel.” Yeah, well many people do; it’s not a unique concept, although the voice box

Being lost

2009-12-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

It’s what you’re not looking for that you find. Today, I was searching my car looking for a receipt in order to return something. As I was rummaging through my life, since that mostly takes place in my car these days, my temper rose. “You always lose things you need,” I scolded myself and kept digging into every cranny possible to find that small, white piece of paper. I decided to give up, when

Why I did it

2009-12-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

Why I did itI didn’t do it for The Post. I didn’t do it for Palin fans.I didn’t do it for Palin haters.I didn’t do it to show off.I didn’t do it to outdo other media.I didn’t do it for money.I didn’t do it because someone told me I had to.I didn’t do it because it was easy. I didn’t do it because I’d been craving a story like this.I didn’t do it to draw attention to myself.I didn’t do it to earn

Be thankful.

2009-11-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has become a measuring station for me.Surrounded by people from my past, I have this strong urge to prove myself and my position in life. Even if I don’t come home for the holiday, I envision classmates huddle up in a booth at Bob’s Lounge discussing their lives and depicting different people from our class as if we were baseball players and you can find all of our stats on 2 inches

Two lives

2009-11-22T12:19:00.001-08:00

There are two lives. For me, there is the one I dream about and the one I actually live. In college, I fantasized about an adult life. Early mornings with a run, “TODAY” and a hearty organic breakfast. Nights would allow for sitcoms, the nightly news and books. Not textbooks, but real books. I would volunteer, paint and learn to play the guitar. I would become good at cooking and host excellent

I might just have found it

2009-10-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

It hit me as I was driving home tonight. As I drove across the bridge above the Big Sioux River and saw the glimmer of downtown sparkle against the rain, the realization swelled over me like it'd been there all along just waiting for me to recognize it. It been a long day, but a pretty productive and uplifting one. Not all my days are like this, but this was one for the "good" category. As I

All you need is love

2009-10-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

My life in commercial form. Sometimes you want to give up, but the feeling never lasts too long because you are cursed with passion. I'm cursed with passion and, deep down, I love every minute of it.

Grounded

2009-10-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a friend sent me a text message that said “Do you ever feel like you need to be grounded? Like everything is off?”I did, especially that day. All my worries, frustrations, doubts, questions of fairness banded together to hit me hard. There is no one specific trigger, but several that caused me to put on my isolation cape and zone in on my sorrows. Leaving work just before the panic

The 25th revolution

2009-10-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

Here I stand, at the onset of 25. Never once did I expect my life to be where it is when I reached this milestone age. Am I content where I am? Not really, but I appreciate it. All those ideas of where I thought I would be at this point are small towns along the highway leading to my eventual destination. At 18, I was in caught up in my first love, who was serving our country on foreign land.

Shameless self-promoting

2009-10-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hello all,First, my deepest apologies for the lack of activity on this blog. My life has been nothing but insane since the beginning of the summer and almost uncontrollable since Sept. 1. Nevertheless, life is good.I promise to have a real update about my life and all the great things going on, but until then, I want to ask three little favors from my blog readers. These are simple things and

Another post, another death

2009-09-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to go most weeks. My mind was always on something else, something self-centered. I usually watched the clock click down to the last minute, ready to resume my life or join some evening plans. It never occurred to me what my time meant to them or how my presence impacted their presence. Last school year, I volunteered to teach religious education at my church. To this day, I'm not

Today's reassurance

2009-08-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Baseball Game

2009-08-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure I’ve seen blood that red before. Of all that should’ve shocked me about his appearance, my eyes were fixated on the crimson tube. It connected the sloppy bag of blood hanging near his bed to some deep vein in his arm. I couldn’t look at where the end of tube and were it was inserted, I just stared at the excess plastic filled with that deep red, scary blood. It brought the whole

Deserving

2009-07-12T19:16:00.001-07:00

“The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.”After my last relationship, I made a pact to only let people into my life who deserved to be there. Men, friends and employers all fell under this umbrella that would block out anyone who didn’t help me be a better person. It was my first step into truly understanding who I was and embracing whoever that

A random burst of inspiration

2009-06-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

So, I missed last Tuesday for inspiration. Sorry. I was locked up in a project that I am working on and hope to tell you all about soon. It's going to be GREAT. Also, there won't be one next Tuesday either because I'm going to Texas with this girl!She is moving down there with her husband and they asked me to come along. Since one-way plane tickets are outrageously expensive, I'm going to take a

A reminder

2009-06-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

One of life's honest realities is that tragedy acts as a reminder to the blessings before us. What rips us apart sheds light on what holds us together. What crumbles us allows us to find strength. Some how, and I'm not sure why, I've never had to experience true tragedy. Sure, I've had my heart broken and been betrayed by a friend, but nothing has ripped my life apart. And I forget that sometimes

Resolution

2009-06-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

We strive for resolution the way we strive for happiness and love. It's intangible, but something we desperately seek. To have resolved, is to put a sleep and never waste worry upon again. More than two years ago a situation arose that shattered my dream-like attitude and caused me to constantly check my actions. It made me doubt myself in the one area I'd always been confident, and the idea it

Inspiration, a bit late

2009-06-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Hi, lovelys,Sorry about the lack of attention to the blog lately. Lots of great things going on and, unfortunately, the blog suffers a bit. But, I haven't forgotten about inspiration. Here is what is inspiring me this week:1) TattoosMy momma and I got tattoos this past weekend and it was painfully fun. There was no one else on this planet that I would rather get a tattoo with than my mom. A pic

Inspiring

2009-06-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, loves,Big ideas are a brewin' for this girl so I need lots of inspiration. Want some?1) David SedarisPhoto from hereI kind of want his life- live in France and write stories about the odd things that happen from day to day. His audio books are great road trip companions. High Plains Reader, an alternative newspaper in Fargo, just did this story on him. The fact that it sometimes takes him

Musical love

2009-06-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today, I sat my in the middle of my living room bawling, asking God to give me strength, hope and clarity. A few hours later, I received two song dedications from two people who I love so very much. Both of them wanted me to know they love me and are there for me. And now I can’t stop crying because these are answered prayers. Here are the songs they sent me. Share one

Hope

2009-06-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Hope is a little devil. Hope makes us believe in the impossible. Hope leads us to depend on silly notions and unrealistic expectations. Hope makes the bruises purple and the pain sting. Hope paints dream pictures that cover the hard truth.Hope, though, gets us from day to day. Hope is the helping hand after a long fall. Hope makes life worth living. And I'd rather stumble and lose 1,000 times

Tuesday of Inspiration

2009-06-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday and guess what that means? Inspiration! Here are my inspiring things for the first week of June :)1) If you have not seen this movie, you must.It's simply amazing. I may or may not have cried. Twice. This film reminded me it's OK to still believe in the magic of balloons, adventures happen every day and it's never to late to follow you dream. If you haven't seen this, go. Now.2)

Monday Blog goodness

2009-06-01T05:58:00.001-07:00

So, remember how I wrote about my geeky obsession/inspiration from Elsie and her bf Jeremy? Well, Elsie is doing this awesome 24-hour blog session and I really think all of you must check it out! It makes me so excited because when I check her blog seven times today, like I do most days, there will be an update! And I'll probably have Jeremy streaming on last.fm. today. Woot. That is fabulous

An unexpected path

2009-05-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently lost his job. After I spoke with him about the situation and what his plans are as a member of the unemployed world, I began to wonder what if that was me. What would I do if my source of income was shut off? What would I do if I no longer had a steady job that occupied 40 hours of my week? What would I do if I had no plan?Then, a piece of me almost envied him. Sure, I

I think someone's trying to tell me something

2009-05-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

This quote appeared on two of my tea bags today. I only drank two. It's a God wink, in more ways than one. Probably needed to hear it twice.

Inspiring Tuesdays

2009-05-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

Here, have some inspiration :)1) RainSome see rainy days full of gloom, I, however, see them full of magic. I'm inspired by the cool drops that hit my skin and hair and it's fairly rejuvenating to take worries out on puddles. It took me awhile to believe it is OK to jump in small pools of water in the middle of the street. Not only do I believe it is OK now, I believe it is necessary. After I

A storm is nearing

2009-05-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

A storm is nearing. The wind’s been flirting with the trees most of the day, forcing them to sway in the direction of its affection. But, as the sky transforms to a thick, ugly blue, the wind’s fury picks up and the trees follow accordingly. The temperature drops and the air prepares itself for Mother Nature’s wrath. The wind, the trees, the ugly blue ski, the temperature,

A plateau year

2009-05-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

Kirby and I several, several years ago (I adore old photos) A friend of mine broke her phone and I offered her my old one. Although she ended up not needing it, I drug it out of a cluttered mess that is my filing cabinet and turned it on, hoping it would allow a quick trip back in time to a year ago. The welcoming screen was a bag of potatoes with “IDAHO” inscribed in a thick

Princes, ghosts and goblins

2009-05-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

The following is a scenario I observed the other day : A five-year-old girl dances the way five-year-old girls do. She wears a sequined and polyester pink dress and blue ribbon in pin-tight curly hair. She forgets where and who she is for a moment to become a princesse. Not just any princess though, but the most lovely princess in all of the land. Like any princess, she lives in sturdy stone

Check out my new blog!

2009-05-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hi, folks,So I've decided to run a marathon and am going to blog about it! Hi-ya (insert virtual high five)!Please check it out. Don't worry though, I always loves heathermangan.blogspot.com and promise to keep things rolling on the blogspot. http://asillygirlwholikestorun.wordpress.com/

Writing

2009-05-20T16:42:00.001-07:00

This is a great blog post about writer's block and the process writers go through to produce something worthwhile. I know I struggle with this a lot, so it's nice to know that more talented writers do too.

Inspire

2009-05-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

Bonjour, mes amour,I've been thinking about adding a weekly feature to my blog, some type of constant that's slightly entertaining than my ramblings. I've tossed around a few ideas but haven't found anything I think can write about on a weekly basis.At work, we've had a string of groundbreakings and dedications this past month and each of them brought tears to my eyes. Engineers, farmers and

Spontaneity

2009-05-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

My life revolves around endless sets of plans, but it’s my new mission to trade rational and planned decisions for spontaneity. So when Micah called at noon on Saturday and asked if I wanted to go The Cities with him, Tara and Nancy, I only debated the matter for a few minutes. This is the randomness I keep telling myself I want, so to pass it up would be hypocritical. On that notion, I

My perfect day

2009-05-10T21:18:00.001-07:00

When I was younger, I would have troubles sleeping to due to a racing mind. Some things never change. One of my tricks to quiet my thoughts and relax enough to fall into a slumber was planning my perfect day. I would start from the time I awake to the time I went to bed, detailing my activities of one day in my so-called perfect life. I’ve got an early run tomorrow morning, but my thoughts are

White line

2009-05-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

A white line runs straight through the middle of our lives. There is no beginning nor ending; it merely separates. Some people live far away from the line, never bothering to care what lies beyond it. Others live close to the edges, sneaking peeks and believing it’s better on the other side. Me, I’m chained to that line and desperately want to rid myself of its burden.This coveted line is the

A death and a new life

2009-05-08T14:11:00.001-07:00

I have snobbish eyelids.

I'm aiming for ...

2009-05-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

Delicious Ambiguity

2009-05-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

Hello, lovely fish,My boss sent me this quote today and it's so very true to my own life that I decided to share it with you fine people. Continuing with the sharing theme, I created this design for an event postcard and thought it would add a bit of splash to the bloggarino. I changed the colors and fonts for the purpose of this post, but you get the idea.Enjoy.H

Still ain't over you

2009-05-03T17:05:00.001-07:00

It's been 1 year and four months and I still ain't over you.I was just a naive girl from South Dakota living without fire when I met you. You introduced me to a new world and a new version of myself. And eventually, I fell. With you, I discovered passion. Together, we were a beautiful mess. We danced so swiftly my friends didn't think we would ever part. We were envied and unstoppable. Some of